Helpless, I am

As it dawns, the whining begins.. 
"Helpless I am, And You don't seem to care! 
How much I trust, and  love.. heed, will You?"

I await a response, in all vain 
He never will say a word, I thought. 
He put me to dust, I was convinced. 

I wasn't to stop, I rambled on..
"You ask me to trust, You never had a promise to keep. 
I feel a fool, I never was Yours."

And then I heard it, sobs. 
My shoulders grew moist - I looked up... 
He stood there in pure white, tears ready for drip. 

His tears can't be answers to me! 
I cared lesser for why He was sad, 
I was hurt and He had to answer, I boasted... 

From all silence, He said, 
"I am helpless, My boy". Another tear dropped.
In all the sorrow, His light shone like all Suns! 

Terrified I was, I caused His tear? 
I dared, "But why are You helpless?"
He saw me, just once. I shook, in true sense.  

"Well, not to hurt, I am cos you make me thus, 
I heed, I speak, I care and I love, 
Who put who to dust?" 

"You heed and speak?" I fumbled. 
"Well, I haven't heard! In all years I am aware
You heard me once, and that is this day."

"Do you seek to listen? 
Do you long to see My light? 
And do you let Me hold your hand?" He simply said. 

So much I wanted to nod yes,
It ached... Deep within. I slipped....
But never fell for His loving hands craned along. 

The warmth, the light were nothing seen as yet
Hoisted back, "But I love You, don't I?"
And I prayed within, "I beg of You, don't say 'no' "

He smiled, "So you claim. 
So your people say. So it is perceived. 
And all of it cannot mean loving Me!" 

"Loving is far beyond an "act" 
A way of life, in word, deed and thought. 
You choose just to act, well you may!"

"In love, there is no blame, 
No sorrow, no fear, no want. 
Only trust, care, joy and peace."

"Never do I let you fall, 
For once, you know this day - I hold you. 
I heed, I reply, I care and I love you"

"Love as you must, Never can you be dust. 
Ever loved and ever Mine - in dawn and in dusk. 
For what love can, nothing else can." 

"Take care, My boy. Helpless I am" He smiled again. 

Tears, as downpour, this time - mine. 

Who's the Hero?!

"For those who believe in Him, this be as you may feel it,
And for those who don't, be it divine fiction."

A weekend at home without parents is pretty boring, indeed. But Sundays are always exciting, especially by the evenings for I am all set to shower my love for Him through bhajans and to receive His grace for the week to come.

I returned from one such inspiring bhajan session and really wanted a soothing cup of ginger honey tea. I walked into the kitchen, humming the lines of the song I had just sung - Sai matha pitha Dheena Bandhu sakha, as I watched Him smile at me from the wall across. I smiled back, and felt a tear trickle down when I sang "tere charanon mein sai mera koti pranaam...".

With a "not so bad" cup of tea in hand, I settled down on the couch making up my mind whether to switch on the TV or not. I decided to go on and check if there were any good English animations playing and the green sensor light on the TV set flashed. My speakers jarred as the Sun Music channel popped up with one little monkey like hero jumping for "pottu thaaku". (I know you guys recognize that one, you don't need a hyperlink on it!) The sudden mood shift irritated me and I, almost immediately, ensured the yell machine was shut.

A couple of prominent thoughts popped up! Who really is a "hero"? And, why such silly songs that do not do any good than just keeping the human mind entertained?

We have associated the word "hero" to the reels projected on screen. He is that person who fights for justice, loves genuinely, handles issues courageously, protects his people from danger, does the right thing come what may. On a lighter note, he is that person who can fight a hundred villains single handedly (especially in Telugu movies), who can bite a bullet, speak pages of script in one shot that presumably inspires people around him and is as worthy that people worship his foot steps!!!

Well, who then is a real life hero? I immediately told myself, "Of course my dear Lord!! Well all those descriptions of a hero fit Him like a glove custom made, don't they?! He is everything positive, all powerful, all pervasive, all knowing and omniscient! He can do more than bite bullets - He can transcend life and touch hearts. He can drown mountains in His infinite compassion and protect His dear from all negativity. He is Om, the eternal energy and the Source of all life. He is... "

The calling bell goes and my glory song is interrupted! I had to pull my stream of thoughts back to its kitty before I could decide my reflex. And then I raised and walked to the door, hoping it was my mom to give me a better cup of ginger honey tea!!

Well, Surprise Surprise!!  It indeed was the mother - not just mine but of the world! At my door step, stood My Master with an innocent smile that conveys a million meanings to million people. He looked up and I felt a whiff of cold air like I had opened a door with a blower over it. The scenes behind him were blurred for I couldn't see the elevator or the door of the opposite flat. So it is, when God arrives at your door step! The indefinite ebbs out to yield to the Infinite.

He walked into my quarters, so silently and simply, like He deserved no attention or regard. He settled down on my dirty couch, looked up and smiled at me, as I was still wondering how He suddenly decided to knock my door! He then asked, "So, should I make tea?" with a slight hint of His all knowing self.

"Hero, No!! I was just wishing.. I don't need it now. I helped myself."

"Hero? No one calls Me that... You don't like the conventional names I have, do you?!", He chuckled.

"Swami, It's not like that. I just felt You were the only one eligible to be called so - "Hero"".

"Oh yeah, I heard you say all those fancy English words!", with His usual charm in the voice.

"But Swami, Isn't all that true?! Aren't you all I said?"

"Well, if you say so! But I like it simple. Love. That summarizes all My qualities. And by the way, you are a hero at times too!"

"You seem to be in a very humorous mood, hero", I said lightly.

"Oh, I am quite serious. You are a hero too... But only at times. If you could love genuinely, you are a hero too. But there are lesser and lesser heroes today. Do you know?!"

Silence hit me. The insight in His words was still being decoded by my faculties. But He didn't let the seriousness of the words sink into me. He started off after a moment's pause, "So hero, Keep good and keep loving. I got to leave now."

"Hero", I began fumbling, "Would you mind telling me why You decided to knock my door today? I am happy You came, but I am equally perplexed."

"I responded to your knock, hero! You knocked My door, and so I decided to visit you."

"But Swami, what do you mean I knocked Your door??" I asked with all surprise!

"Didn't you let your love flow as you sang, Tere charanon mein sai mera koti pranaam? That genuine calling in love is a knock enough for me to respond."

"Wow!! Did that really reach You?! I sing every week for You."

"It did! And yeah, you sing every week for Me... But you aren't a hero every time... You understand what I mean, don't you?"

A thoughtful I responded, "Yes hero", and my eyes searched for His feet in all humility.

"Oh, My boy! Don't worry about not being a hero all the time. You will get there soon. I am with you."

My face lit up with a 1000 watts smile. The assurance was strong enough! My way ahead will be travelled with the Master himself, what more can I aspire for?!

And He chose that moment to say "See you again, My boy" and swanned towards the door. As he reached the door, He looked straight into my eyes and said, "Your second question on songs?? Let's speak soon." and winked!!

I shall not try to explain how I felt. It's beyond any language I know.

And we now know who's the hero!

Love,
Sri