While in the dark, He always is!

It was a breezy Sunday night with a strange lull... I finished my day's routine and was walking back home,  late hours by Indian standards. The bhajans I had heard that evening, the one that I had sung were playing loops in my mind.

But, in all this silence, something within kept telling me there was someone just following my footsteps, like a a leopard stealthily tracking a deer. But I am no deer, bear in mind and if I am one, I am an exception - I confront than run! I stopped and turned around and saw this old man making slow yet confident steps towards me. He was no threat to me - I knew immediately, for he didn't hesitate a second to smile at me like he knew me for decades.

I felt quite like an (oxy)moron then I tell you, I did not know what reactions my body and mind were sending out. But I settled to smile back, and when I did, he said, "Can I join you until you reach?", in this loving authoritative voice! (Oxymoron, yeah?! )

I waited for him to come near me and trust me, he just wasn't impressive! Clothes a few years old, a beard untamed for more than a week, a bend that told me he must be late eighties and hair that spread out in every direction mentioned in a Mariner's compass. In spite of all this, there was something about him that made me listen to him... what,  I still haven't understood.

I pulled the emergency chain on my train of thoughts and responded, "Well, you can! But how do you know where I am going?!"

"Ha ha!! I just live around here... And I know you won't live past my area." I so much wished I give him mokka by going in a completely different direction from his house.

We walked in utter silence for a few minutes, with me guessing where he belonged to, and he smiling at the nasty pup sleeping by the road. After a few steps I asked, "You actually scared me, how long have you been following me?"

"Well, I have been following you for a long time. Rather not get lost in darkness. You have been guiding me!"

A sense of ego set in my mind and with a slight hint of pride, I said " What would've happened if I wasn't here? How would have you gone home?"

"I don't know... But I knew you will come this way."

Summa scene podraan paaren! "But how did you know I would come? Have you seen me here before?"

"Yes, I have. I have seen you around for a while now. I know you, don't you know me?!"

I was reminded of SV Shekhar's dialogue, "Ivaru periya Uganda naatu adhibaru", "No, I don't. I have been here for long too!" I responded in a pretty irritated tone.

He giggled and said, "If you haven't seen me, you probably haven't been seeing enough!! I catch your attention momentarily, don't you think?! Yet, you say you haven't seen me."

In all this, I saw two street dogs wagging their tails and circling his feet. He probably was right... Even the dogs seemed to know him.

A calm uneasiness set in me - for me, this man suddenly started sounding mystic, intriguing. He looks pauper, he speaks vague, but there sure was something I wasn't recognizing. But I did not feel like pursuing the conversation anymore - my mind built its defence of  my high rated personal image. And he seemed to know it.

"You would turn here, won't you? I got to keep heading straight. I will see you later, yet another dark night eh?!" he gave a wide grin and heaved forward.

Chills... People call it, though it heats up your brain up thro' the spine! Most people were (oxy)morons I was convinced! I waved bye at him, and said "Nice company! Have a good night!!"

"Yes I am good company!" he smiled and moved further. And as he moved, he was humming a tune that seemed so known to me...

I took my turn and opened the gates, still wondering what song he was humming... and as I entered my home,  I knew what it was... He was humming my favourite bhajan, the one I had sung that evening,
"Prem Ishwar hai, Ishwar Prem hai
Har Dhadkan mein Tu hi samaa hai
Ishwar Prem hai... "

And as I lay in bed, a flurry of thoughts flooded my mind about this unique encounter. And when I let all those thoughts settle, I saw in the calmness of the moment, what I had not known until then. And as dawn broke, it did break in me too... the hidden messages of my strange companion!

And if you are someone with deep trust in Him, get back and read the conversation for yourself!!

Deeply inspired by my heart's deepest desires and by "Conversations with God"...

Love, Sri! 

What I did this summer...

This summer has been so very different to me...

A flight out of India to spend a whole month in the US. "The dream come true" thing about visiting the US did not happen to me - it does not generally happen to me, I guess! I really did not feel so impressed with Houston when I came here last time. I felt it was morbid, "concrete"-ish, and dull, to the least.

Well, my morbid feeling did materialize to reality this time. Two days after I landed, I got this unique allergy that the doc wasn't able to decode! But then Dr.Kamenetsky told me, "Allergies are very common in this season in Houston. I pop in a pill every night just a precaution, you know!" I haven't popped in anything beyond Hajmola every night back there in India. Plus, oh wow!! How heavenly it was to know this place is generally allergic in summer, and I am spot on not to miss the fun! My Commerce teacher always said "right thing, at the right place at the right time".

And hey, we guys ill treat our doctors in India, I tell you!! I visit this doctor, and they make me wait an hour after I reached there (6 hours before, she supposedly was busy and did not have a slot for the appointment). She spoke to me for ten minutes, and what she spoke, you already know. In summary, she really wasn't able to diagnose, but gave some general allergy pills. I walk out and they show me a check for $150, and my programmed mind immediately does an OANDA.com task (buy rate INR 50 per $). And then I gasped for breath, so much that they offered me water. Well, that is their standard of living - I heard you think. Well, I learnt macro economics too, but I choose not to remember all that especially after the beautiful receptionist said, "Sir, your insurance policy would not be valid here - you may want to claim it when you are back in India".

Well guys, don't sink into sorrow and transfer your contributions into my bank account! My employer will pick it up! :)

But the days after the first week were quite interesting. A strict 8 to 5 work schedule - loads of "me" time, early dinners and early rising. I loved it, completely! I have never been on a better routine I guess. I had this room that was furnished - an awesome couch that permitted me finish a couple of books. And then as days passed, I started loving the place. I enjoyed the silence in the after hours, the courtesy in elevators, the queues in the bus stops, the methodical flow of traffic, the white walking man on signals whom the pedestrians religiously followed. I am a Virgo, so don't be surprised. I wonder if Monika in "Friends" is also a Virgo!  - That statement is indeed inspired by the 2 seasons of the serial I managed to watch in the luxury of my room!!

Another "out of the box" experience I had was the LGBT parade I saw during my last weekend there. Thousands of folks gathered on the streets to support them was a sight to see. To the naked eye, the whole concept may appear like a weird thing, but a deeper thought would probably tell you, it really did not matter how people feel/act - we do so much good in letting them be themselves. We really don't need to form opinions on everything. We, in this generation, feel the urge to have an opinion on everything that happens around us. I choose to differ - I really do not want to form an opinion on things unless I surely need to. I am not going to be on chat shows or in TV biz, where an opinion almost drives the conclusion; where the strongest speaker is the most knowledgeable.

Well now back to my trail, I really wonder if I would enjoy life a lot more, here - so much peace and personal time. I seem to have moved out of this "I will work only in India" thing, not because I would get paid more or because this country is more organized. It is because I like it when I am alone, living life in my own terms. I love my folks but I miss to love myself when I am there. Here, I see so much of myself, think, reflect and end up realising my inner self - it is astonishing how much a stranger we are to ourselves at times, eh?!

But hey, I believe in the omniscience that runs this world. It will keep me where I deserve to be. This moment, working beyond "8 to 5" in my office, I feel so much good. May it just stay!!

Btw, am happy I wrote this - you may feel otherwise, I know! :) My mind has been eluding my writing needs for long! Hopefully, I will write again and a lot more.

love, Sri.