Timely sparkles

Autobiography of an Appatucker!

2011-10-20T00:24:00.000+05:30

Woh!!

I spend so much time on the title usually, and this time was a zapper!... If you were to ask how much time it took for me to come up with this title, I would probably say "one soppi second"... Cos my collection of books rests just above my monitor. And if you do not find Paramhamsa Yogananda's "Autobiography of a Yogi", hit me on my head! Plagiarism is so beneficial to mankind I tell you...

That's enough crapping Sri.. Now.. Who is this "Appatucker"? Most people would look baffled on this question... Thanks to my friend Arun, for discovering the meaning of this word, as diligently as Vijay discovered Jo's hip in Kushi. My professional institute carries the honour of selecting biological specimens with numerical sense and putting them into a little bit of non sense in what it calls GMCS (never mind the acronym, folks)! If you felt I was trying to become the English TR, apologize right away! My inspiration for anything I do is, more often than not, a biological specimen equivalently cranky as I'm, one Mr. Murali in this case. I may not be too good in "past reading" though I'm sure on this one... This guy inspired the likes of Shakespeare and Bernard Shaw, I bet! English flows so fluently off his tongue, like it just wants to die than to live as he speaks. Not to put down his charisma as an elite member and the 45 minute introduction he gets, let alone whether he is humbled by the reading. I would yield to agree he is a great professional at least in sympathy for the guy who read it - throat dry and eyes wet.

65 of my equivalents underwent this course with me and walked out the gates after 15 days with loads of information, as every student does. How well he put it to use is a question of behaviour, which is, by no means my intent this time. The characters we saw and experienced over these 15 days were so much peculiar and vivid that I thought about them all thro' today. Worth a record, I felt, and here I'm, scribbling this out in the middle of the night.

Among all the teachers who walked into the Brahmayya hall, Mr. Srikanth was the first to impress me... Not for his open appreciation of our brilliance, not for calling us intellectual aristocrats, not for his hilarious comparisons between his wife and Ram's wife, Sita... The guy carried an ingenuity in his word, great respect for his profession and a sincere heart for mutual well being. And then came in Mr. Pratap - with a very effortless smile on his face and a loving intention to interact with us. The ease with which our guys spoke to him, in spite of his age, makes me reconsider my views on generation gap. His extremist views on my faith and strong words against it did hurt me, but I consider it the Red litmus test on my roots - I'm proud I did not take it personally and instead respected his opinions, as they were. My faiths don't need his support and his opinions have nothing to do with my experiences. All this was given up - just by looking at the humility he carried and the twinkle in his eyes!

Not to forget PG! While I may, with all my rational mind, call him an extremely emotional person; opine that he spoke nothing that was relevant to the course; confess that I did not like he insisting on his physical illness all thro' the day, I am bound to respect the man for the sincere efforts he is taking to fight the odd. More than all, I was touched when he made it to our valedictory on a rick.... and humbly retired in a few minutes.

The Motta Boss!! I hated him for his Peter English and the Australian accent. Trivial they are, in front of the reasons why I would look up to him with high regard - a marketing guy, a taxi driver, a security officer, a soft skills trainer, an incorrigible orator and above all, a patient who recovered from coma, by sheer will. Best of all, he never shared his sorrows to the class... nor did he look like one who faced all that. If he could worsen his drinking skills a little more, he is all fit to be a youth icon, at least a million times more than Rahul Gandhi.

If I hadn't seen these characters and a few others like Mr. Kumar and Mr. Vijaygopal, I would have considered the course a complete waste of my efforts and time... Not that I did not learn anything at all, but I felt we deserved a lot more learning for the 15 whole days we traded it for.

And hey, that isn't all! The bunch of friends I got from the classes - For god's sake, no one spoke of Accounting Standards and Amendments to Sch VI to me. My guys made the 15 days sail easier for me, not that they oared it for me... They stood along in the wait for the tides!

The practice sessions, the medleys, the lunch pays, the "Nithya" pressures, random drives to the beach, the silly quarrels, "small girl" dialogues, and a lot more I can't put in here.... Will never forget them all. The course might not have ended in a happy "La la la... la la... la la la" due to the slight rifts that cropped up, but personally, I think nothing else could have built the bonds I now have, and the introspection I now rejoice.

Not to regret, not to miss, I am now done with GMCS. More importantly, to much of your relief, also done with the post!!!

Love,
Sri...

It just doesn't matter!!

2011-04-03T00:22:00.001+05:30

What am I doing at 11pm in the night without already awaiting good dreams?! What the hell am I trying to do logging into my laptop at this odd hour in the night??! Why have I behaved so barbarian like and yelled at home all thro today? Why did I refuse to move an inch from where I was sitting over the past seven hours? I don't know.. And the conclusion is simple.. I"VE GONE CRAZY!!

I have always wondered and criticized people who follow cricket so crazily.

"Are these guys out of their mind?"
"Got nothing else to be bothered about?"
"Jobless people treating a game as anything but a game"

I apologize guys... If the game can make someone as indifferent as me to do all the things I listed above, it deserves to be treated more than "JUST A GAME"... The spirit that the last two weeks has induced in me is beyond my fathoming. What cricket has done to me is something I'm indebted to forever! I, never in my wildest dreams, imagined I will shout at the top of my voice for every ball, every stroke... Wept when the moment came up... "INDIAAAAA.. INDIA" is what I have messaged the most this day... Can I myself believe I chanted Chamakam for India to win this day?

It doesn't matter who you are; whether you like cricket or not; whether you know the rules or not... IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER.. For the indomitable spirit of this crazy nation, for the love my people have for the game and the title, for the million prayers across the nation, for the "God of Cricket", JAI HO!! This moment captured in my amateur words will stay with me all life just as the other one I wrote on 13 Aug'09.

I swear... on this great occasion, not to use the words, "JUST A GAME" ever again in my life... for any sport.

Sri...

Well, I do believe!!

2010-12-02T22:49:00.002+05:30

I believe...
I'm good, growing and learning; though I know
I am not seeing enough of the million lessons that are being orchestrated for me.

I believe...
I'm being tuned every moment by invisible hands to be what is planned for me, yet
I keep screeching like the old radio, without knowing which frequency to capture.

I believe...
I'm living my life the way I want it, yet causing the irony -
Stopping a lot of people from living lives the way they want to.

I believe...
I'm running to be the best of men I know, though I sincerely acknowledge
I am not even there in the league that's racing.

I believe...
I'm being hand held and guided along my path, yet screwed up on my head
Not to believe it most times and venture the dark in vain.

I believe...
I am down-to-earth, though at times people say,
"Your earth is slightly above mine".

I believe...
I'm an extrovert caring loads for people I love, yet
so selfish and introvertic not to love the people I don't love.

I believe...
I'm blessed to be embraced and cuddled by so many, though
I'm silly enough to throw away relations at will, without thought.

I believe...
I'm doing quite a lot for my world, also knowing
"Quite a lot" is not quite enough for my world.

I believe...
I'm devouring my ego myself and being humbler, but hey..
I want to devour it myself. Who are you to insult me?

I believe...
I'd someday be an inspiration for someone if not many, in spite of knowing
Day dreaming is not so great after all, "day working" is.

I believe...
I'd be missed when I am gone, though I know
It is not so bad as people missing me when I'm still around

I believe...
I will soon find some reason for believing all this,
And I more than believe that this reason exists!

For without this reason, without this will, We wouldn't exist.
What am I if I don't believe?!

With loads of faith,
Sri...

Sparkles... over time!

2010-10-22T23:12:00.002+05:30

I'm seated here...

On a white cozy chair next to an old oak table with silver beading beside a plush Samsung LCD TV, after a refreshingly long bath in 434 of The Zuri, Whitefield, B'lore. This, probably, has been my most comfortable stay in all these years of travel.. Thanks to my employer, he pampers me like a kid! In spite of all this luxury, I feel extremely lonely sitting in this room, watching barely at the brown wall in front of me, and occasionally munching my almond snack. Travel is never boring for me.. but today, it is.

It is... Probably because I don't have my Akil to patiently wait for me for hours at the Forum mall, just to say a bright "Hi" without even letting me feel guilty for the delay; ask me courteously where we shall go and pleasingly accompany me to the same restaurant over and over again, just cos I love the Bindhi masala there! Or is it because I was all hyped up last time I was at this place, for my successful results gracefully donated to me and incidentally have no such stuff this time around? Or is it cos I badly miss the manager who would happily take me from Blore to Parthi overnight in spite of all his physical strain? Or...

Well, whatever!! This solitude and emptiness makes me realize that I need to speak today.. Or rather "Speak out"... On a couple of things that have made me think in the recent past and those that impacted my ways. I don't plan to write a flowing note here... I plan to pen down - "as is" caught up within me.

My energy hub runs NDTV - 24by7, I literally meant 24by7. That's one reason why I prefer picking my coffee and carrying it to my desk for a relaxed sip. I somehow do not understand why 24by7 news channels (that too, a dozen of them!) are needed in India. Well they do have something to keep showing.. Be it the Page 3 shots from yesterday's party at Vijay Mallya's beach house; or the Ground Zero coverage of fan response for Endhiran; or the quasi entertainment avatar of showing exceprts from reality shows - Headline at the heated 9 in the morning goes "Top thief exits BIG BOSS 3 on Day 1" - Waah! What indispensable news for people to know!! But I should not be so unfair to them either.. They have given me humour to laugh over for more than weeks.. "DELHI MAY CRAWL TODAY" - Well if you did not understand that, it is supposed to mean traffic snarls are up in Delhi due to CWG. The next one is the best - "BUTT BACKS OFF" - no comments! Indian media, in my opinion, is more bothered about publicizing itself than providing what is needful to the people. There are times my mom would coerce me to watch news every day. These days, she shys away seeing what is disguised as news. What counts most for them is the fasionable statements like "Exclusively on Times Now", "Pictures of the accident - first shown on world television".. Well, I wouldn't blame them for all this - they are probably forced to or, they probably like being forced to do so. One recent consolation was the way the media handled the Babri masjid case - "Putting India first" - for once showing solidarity in thought and ethical responsibility. I would want to write more on this.. but something else is overpowering my intention...

"Conversations with God" - This book caught my eye when I was perusing thro' the multitude of books in Landmark. The topic interested me.. And I read the preface.. It was about a man who incidentally happened to get responses from God for questions on his personal life. It soon became a habit and he started penning down all that God told him and published it as a book. Mind it.. It is not fiction.. It is a real life piece of work. The preface won in a tug of war between the price and content and I ended up buying the book. It was a philosophy in slightly complex words.. I read the pages at least twice before I turned each of them. The book re emphasized my belief that we are small pieces of the vaster divine. It told me that God is an experience and not a phenomenon. It captivated me when it said that all happens as a result of our present and past thoughts and deeds. I linked each word of it to my present faith - karma, omniscience, omnipresence, world conscience, the energy within & above.. And I felt great!! But then, it slowly moved into higher contents like the reason for world sorrow, hunger, illness - all in first tense as God's very own words. It was a full lot of 15 pages.. And I managed to read it once. I re read it once again and then the third time. And beyond that, I shut the book and left it in my shelf - untouched for over 20 days now.

I ask myself why I did it.. Somehow, it made me uncomfortable to try to know beyond what I know. I did not want the philosophy to sink in me by reading a 100 times.. it has to flow by experience. I realize that I did the right thing. In my opinion, philosophies are not created by mere thought. Instead, deeply motivated habits/deeds, unknowingly, become philosophy in due course of time. Siddhartha did not walk into the forest to create a philosophy.. He went to practise habits/deeds that would make him happy. And then one day, someone called it "Buddhism"! This is the reason why I enjoyed reading the book until I connected to what it said - cos I believed in it and lived in that faith. When the book reached heights I have never been to, it looked like nothing more than a thermophysics book to me! I knew nothing it said... I haven't realised any word it said. I probably would read it again some day.. some time when I am beyond those peaks too.. and feel really great again.

Until then, Ignorance is bliss!! And until then, I would remember this evening I planned to blog after long and scribe down my silly yet sincere thoughts.

Here I am seated, thinking beyond time, enjoying the dim light of my table lamp and the silent hum of my laptop's fan.. about the heart filling way in which I spent the last four hours!

Love,
Sri

3 yrs @ work!!

2010-04-04T15:34:00.002+05:30

I completed three years at my first workplace last Friday... I actually didn't even think I should sit back and reflect on all these days that's just gone past me.. but when I sat to blog after a long time today, I was looking for something that I could write on... something that's light.. not a deeper one again!

I notice people read the deeper ones but seldom comment... I don't have reason to complain until they felt there is even very lil truth in what I had said. I guess people don't blog to develop a fan base.. At least I don't! Well, yeah.. So, I thought I should write on 3 yrs of corporate life... I wish I don't fill you with too many introspections in this piece!!

Those were the final days at college... I had been the organizer, editor of a couple of newsletters and pretty much known to every Commerce student in college... I would be telling you a very obvious lie if I said I did not like being recognized. I loved the fact that people knew me but I ensured I never fed my ego on it. Thanks to my spiritual affiliation.. I guess I handled limelight quite well. And yeah, there were people better known than me... the Secretary, Cul Sec, and a bigger list.. So I better not have ego!! :)

The last two years of college had given me a lot of confidence. I have always believed I would do well with extra curriculars but Loyola was my first "on ground" experience. I remember Sarvesh and Arun Davis cornering me near the coffee shop and asking where I'd join articleship... I had no idea... Guys around me were talking Greek if not Bulgarian.. Din make a difference to me!! Frankly, I hadn't even thought abt it. That very evening, an acquaintance told me about this place and gave me the contact. I didn't even know to whom I was speaking to (realised after joining that it was the Partner!) , but I remember asking him over the phone, "Could you please spell your firm name?!" I'm surprised he excused me for that!

From there on, the interviews, aptitude test and stuff went on pretty well. And hey, I'd fondly remember and laugh over the way the GD happened. We had a panel of three to judge us and I guess there were 5 participants that day. The AC vents blew straight on me and I tried my best to remain calm. I have my limits of patience, eh?! The next thing I did was... grabbed the AC remote and turned it off.. One of the panelists was staring at me! And then I realised.. "lighta too much a pannitomo?!" I gave a timid smile at her and said, "I guess you don't mind it for a while". "Bulb da mach unakku!" I told to myself walking out of the conference room that day. It was two days before "Big Bucks" (our departmental festival at Loyola) and I got a call on my antique Motorola mobile at Valluvar Kottam signal. Movies have always associated calls at signals to bad news! Thank god mine was otherwise! Sarvesh was through as well and we decided to join work on April 2,'07, the day our final sem study hols started!

If I shall talk about all the incidents @ work in these 3 years, I might end up in a book a lil bigger than Chetan Bhagat's "3 mistakes of my life", a lil less interesting though. I have also spoken quite a lot on work life in previous blogs. On a personal note, I've always believed that my personal life is different from professional life and I still believe it. I still remember telling one of my close friends, corporate life doesn't want to know how good you are at heart. It wants you to show how shrewd and sharp you are, up there on your head. True it is, but I have also come to understand, I can't live a machine at work place. I need to have my own tune that shall not disturb work and there is absolutely no need for me to copy the common tune on the floor.

I have met very good ppl and built great relations in these years... Warm peers who understood me completely, very concerned managers who gave great support and confidence to do what I wanted to myself... close buddies who wouldn't even talk to me at work but watched every move of mine and corrected the wrong ones... Inspiring top heads, friendly admins and a real cozy workplace that I'd not miss visiting at every chance in spite of the memorable long & stressed out nights there!

Well... I don't know how good Ive been to all these ppl.. but I know that on any day, if these ppl were to list down the names they remember from here, mine would at least be the last one...

Love...

Sri!

The Deeper Ones (Part - II)

2010-02-05T22:57:00.000+05:30

I wish I had Amaron batteries fitted onto my body.. "Lasts long.. really long!"
I sit and wonder these days how many times I would have told my dear ones that I'd never live a mundane life.. waking up at 6; bathing at 7; leaving to work at 8:30; get back home at 8; watching chat shows on TV for a couple of hours and then sleep off. Good heavens.. my life isn't like this. It's a lot worse! I seldom do the last three things I said. Somehow, I feel I have been losing connections to my own self.. Thanks to the cute lil flowers, the bubbly kids on the streets, the occasional laugh at work despite all stress and the more occasional family gossip.. for only in these situations, I feel my heart.. I feel a glimpse of real joy peeping in. At least, I'm "living" those moments...

I don't blame my work. That was my choice. I fought up to become a chartered accountant... to slog and prove. I know this is just a temporary tide... I wouldn't just "be" all life. And it doesn't mean I roamed arnd as a piece of science from Japan all these days. I have had my feelings, deep reflections, small incidents that impacted me big.

The one I've always wanted to write about was the new year eve celebrations. For the first time since my teens, I decided to spend my NY eve without bhajans... And guess what? I went for a rap concert in MGM Dizzee World... Pikachu was leaving abroad a day later and I badly wanted to spend time with SVAP. The start was fun! The moment we walked into the arena, I actually felt bad.. not cos I wasn't at home listening to my fav bhajans but seeing the youth crowd there and the crazy things they were upto. All drunk, most crazily dancing and a few even stripping their shirts off! They were probably "ENJOYING", they'd say! Well, I choose not to use the word for such action. I don't blame them. But I'm bothered...

I'm bothered we'd falsify the expectations placed on us. Brainy stat profs say India would have the largest youth population in the decade to come... India would be in a mad race against the world and become an economic super power. Indian youth would have the biggest roles to play in all spheres of the society..I trust the brains that told all these, with the very little logic mine carries! But, is the title "super power" all that we need to live and prosper? If money is all that counts, then we sure will rock! But if humanity, love, care and morality do matter, we will starve, a lot more than Somalia does, today. For we are slowly becoming self centred, paddled horses running on our own tracks just to be catching up with the materialistic world. How long would we run? Until we just stop for we do not know our destinations.

Well, if you are thinkin, "Is all fine, Sri?", guys.. "ALL IZZ WELL!" These writings keep me aware of the fact that I should never become one such paddled horse all life. I'm sure I won't though I actually am running now. It's okay to run but it's not okay to keep running. My days would change and I'd start living my heart out!

Love...
Sri!

Way to be...!!!

2009-11-22T20:24:00.003+05:30

My friends have always called me a "Workaholic"... And I have, more often than not, taken pride on being called so. I have thought it's my specialty to run and yet not feel tired. I have thought it is such a wonderful feeling to complete my work over the weekend and show it up the next week day.. I have enjoyed the expression of awe on my peers when I do that. But within me, there is this deep voice that keeps saying, "Charan, don't worry you are working so much.. Don't worry that you'll miss those little things that have made you feel better. You can very well balance both these worlds... with Swami around you all the while!"

I have never been unhappy in my personal life. I have always enjoyed going thro the ups and downs... But at times, I feel my work eats up my personal space, time and self. And in such times, I look up to Swami and say, "Please handle this for me. I am feeling broken. Just rest in my heart.. let me know you are there. I'm a crank who, once in a while, wonders if you really do love me. Don't feel bad for it.. please!"

And in response, Swami gives me one strong shot of rejuvenation.. through situations I never anticipate... just like this weekend.

There are two things that I value the most next to my family and Swami.. Music and SVAP! (If you didn't understand what SVAP meant, please revisit my earlier posts!!) And I enjoyed showers of love and goodness from both over this weekend. A brilliant music programme for a unique occasion.. A dozen kids singing the tunes I had the privilege of teaching... When the programme ended, I felt I had just gotten back to living after 1 month of just "being"!

"Well, that's not enough!", Swami chided.. He gave me touching moments over dinner with SVAP. I have managed to answer my buddies, whatever they ask, and that too, to their satisfaction. But the dinner was kind of different.. They asked me simple questions I never knew answers for.. They told me little words to which I never knew how to react.. And in spite of all this, I was smiling with a couple of tears ready to roll off any moment. Flattery is not something I desire or deserve. But when I saw straight into each of those eyes that were looking at me, I felt I was being loved more than I had ever imagined. I probably didn't get up and hug them, but they knew I was doing it.. A hundred times all through...

I don't know why I'm writing this on a public wall. I thought I should write... do one of those "little" things that are inevitable for my "living". I don't know how my weekends ahead are going to be. But I know, that I'm being loved so much that these worries would lose in a tug-o-war.

Love...

Sri!

A day to remember...

2009-08-14T01:49:00.004+05:30

Dated: 13 Aug 09

I think Keelu was right when he said, "This is your first milestone and you need to put it on record..." I haven't come into blogspace for real long now.. Probably due to the lack of the right mindset, work pressure or a hundred other reasons... But I thought I should write today... Not to let the readers know that I have become a Chartered Accountant today but to impress my feeling this moment onto this wall. I wish I never delete this post.

Early at 9 30 this morn, Rohit, my colleague at work, asked on the elevator, "Hey, so you are going to be a Chartered Accountant?" And that's when I actually got heated up and secreted more adrenaline straight into my head.. The panic button was switched on... And the only one Emergency alert key I knew was the right navigation key on my mobile phone! The Music player loaded with my most favourite bhajans filled some faith in me and I watched on in patience. The suspense unveiled and I came to know I had done it... Or rather I was made to do it. I called up my bro and said, "Dude, I'm a Chartered Accountant today" (Though technically not.. Lil more of internship pending).

Emotions enveloped me... My mom's voice over the phone - I heard her shed tears of joy and I felt I was being a repsonsible son giving her what she deserved (if not a lil less). The numerous calls from all acquaintances - The "Machi pikkara" from friends, "I'm happy for you" from my Admin staff, "I love you" from my kith and kin, "You deserved it Chief" from my juniors... I wasn't on Cloud nine... I was in fact walking on the ground floor for 2 whole hours. To be frank, I didn't feel the world turn around welcoming me; nor did I feel an additional medal pinned on my chest... My feeling was primarily gratitude and joy.. I remember telling one of my buddies, "Swami maela irundhu thooki pottaaru.. naan catch pudichittaen". Might sound silly.. But I seriously believe it.

Few things that touched my heart.. deep within.. The moment I saw many of my school friends change their status messages to "Charan is now CA"; the way my 94 yr old deaf grandpa picked the phone and said "Congratulations kanna"; the enthu in my grandma's voice when she said, "Rey Auditor!"; the pride in my dad's voice; the hug from Keelu and the lovely musical session with Ram. I knew God has been blessing me abundantly... But so much all in one day?! Mind blowing!!!

Love,
Sri...

The deeper ones. . . ! Part-1

2009-02-26T15:10:00.013+05:30

Forever been a passionate follower of the Sherlock Holmes series... And was lucky to have had my hand on few of the English oldies based on the book. I have always been baffled and sometimes annoyed by the vocabulary of the author of this series - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle... annoyed cos he makes me use the dictionary almost all the while... Baffled for the depth in his words and the richness in his philosophy. To give the least feel of it, I write on here, a dialogue in the movie "The Pearl of Death"...

"No more than a symbol of greed and cruelty and lust for power that have set men at each other’s throats down thro the centuries and the struggle will go on Watson… for a pearl, a kingdom, perhaps even world dominion till the greed and cruelty have burnt out of every last one of us. And when that time comes, perhaps even this pearl will be washed clean again..."

I thought these words would be a fine beginning for this post... Movies have been a great way to while away time for me these days. I have never been moved by emotions on the screen (excluding Taare Zameen Par and the like) and never have I thought so much after watching a movie than I did post "Luck by chance" with Sushi and TR (No.. that's not Simbu's dad! This guy is more hilarious and expressive than him and hey...! Does speak good English haan?!)... I remember telling TR i did not know how to react at the end of the movie. Was I to feel happy? Sad? Contented? Come on guys...! It is just fine with me to spend 3 hours to try to find out what the makers wanted to say, but I should know it at the end! You can't make me feel numb (rather dumb??)!

But on the way back, it dawned on me that the movie said everything subtly, in deep silence... The darkness in the film industry, the clash of ethics, the silly courage of power, the stupid reason to corrupt or flatter, the lust for stardom, the idiocy of greed and the basic realities of falsehood.... It said it all. And it made it me think on all that night.

The film, by fair judgments, was the best ever known realistic portrayal of the film industry... But it hurt me, in true sense, about how extremely selfish people can become. It made me feel I was in a big big selfish world around me.. I was seeing probably all roses. It made me realise there is no right or wrong in the world. There are no ethical rules for the world. Ethics are self made, self tailored and self amended!!

I wouldn't be right in saying I'm totally selfless. After all, none of us are. But on my scale, it is not being selfish when you think about yourself. It is being selfish when you think ONLY about yourself. And this latter statement was just the theme of the hero's line in the movie. I, in fact, started wondering if I will have to do all this foul play to move on big in life?! Is it a reality I'm missing to see? Am I moving on blindfolded? Or am I adamant not to remove the blinds?

My thoughts swirled all night... I spent hours listening to my favourite bhajans to interrupt my thought process. A guy with a unique craze for numbers - You know how I would take comfort on uncertainties of future! Watch the trends... Look at past performance... Extrapolate!! I did the same.

I wasn't born with a silver spoon... But it hasn't been such a rugged path for me till here. I haven't achieved pinnacles but I'm climbing pretty fast. The people I have met, the buddies who love me, almost everyone who knows me - I don't think I have played a selfish game for winning their hearts. I have never buttered someone to take on good projects at work... But i still hold a good place in my organisation. And I still work on the real big projects! And then did it dawn (reality as well as a metaphor!!) that THE SECRET is all that matters!! The altitude of thoughts, the purity of heart will take you wherever you have to go. After all, I don't say God takes me wherever I have to go. I take responsibilities for my life. So aethists, beware before you comment on this!!

I would just say that I believe, "At the end of the day, it does not matter at all how big you are outside. What matters is how big you are within...!"

This is just the beginning of the secret! TR has a major role to play in the episodes to be narrated henceforth... So See you soon guys!! Do comment... I know you have quite an opinion on this...

Love..

Sri!!

"Untitled"

2009-02-01T17:37:00.006+05:30

The days of Mani Ratnam craze... Alaipaayuthey... Kannathil Muthamittaal... I have seen the former movie quite a lot of times.. The latter, only once - and that very solitary time I saw the movie, it moved me. The thought of the pathetic lives of "War prisoners" and the song "Vidai kodu endhan naadae" impacted me more than I could ever explain... That very night, I sat up to write this piece... I have never shown it to anyone all these years.. I was digging my shelf this morning for a book and ended up pulling out the scratch of paper on which I wrote this poem... I have not titled it. I thought I better not do. It is a personal, abstract feeling and I didn't want to exploit it anymore....

"Whale in a pond" - Odd isn't it?
So small a territory
- though same the inmates!
So strange a world
- though same the livings!
So are we - odd better!!
To where do we belong?
"Men of no land" - better said...

War at home - the "hunt" for peace...
The pursuit ended in more havoc!
More chaos - in where we landed...
Panicking, running for lives...
Fearing to be "Prisoners of war"
We are "Prisoners for survival"!!!

The world we live in,
The faces we see...
Caught for mortem -
Our lives and our thoughts!
So pleasing to hear "Rights"...
So meek to have none...!
To where do we belong?!

Where no one lives except with fear? or...
Where everyone lives except with rights??
Let us... Our posterity??
"Generation - Prisoners" are we...??
A better option - "to die"
Than "to live dead"!!

My @ Home days!!

2009-02-01T16:25:00.010+05:30

I've been at home now for more than a month... I was so damn excited about staying home for so long after my college days ended. But yeah! I wasn't given leave for a leisure trip to the Swiss!!

I have always been this meticulous guy who plans every damn thing perfectly before starting study. I did it almost perfectly this time round as well. Well begun is half done, yeah?! It is just half done till date. I never believed when a couple of my seniors told it is pretty hard to get into the study drive especially after slogging for insane hours at office for more than a year and half. Bullshit!! I thought... I have probably been misled by my fantasy... He was more than a 100% right!!!

I shouldn't take the blame more than necessary though.. True I was a lil playful, a lil reckless and a lil too lazy... (Well now, insert that "Anniyan" dialogue for me here... "10 paisa thiridina thappaa" thingy! Suits me well, at least in this juncture!) But I better feel happy, I did not waste all the sweet times... Did quite a lot of useful things... And here I go in telling you what so good and bad I did, felt and thought in my "@ home days"!

Web su do ku!!! I have become one total addict to this site... Especially cos the ranking it gives encourages me. (I'm now on rank 13!!) It has been my habit that I solve the su do ku everyday on The Hindu. One reason my dad still doesn't mind buying the daily reader... I at least get to flip through the pages after the su do ku is done. To keep my brain ticking, I thought I'd play more of su do ku on the net... Nice idea right?! Well it kept ticking too much.... I lived on these su do kus for at least 12 hours a day for the first 15 days! I'd surely not call it a total waste of time EOD!!!

Warcraft III - As a kid, I have never played video games... Better late than never, you see!! Warcraft, Age of Empires, NFS and NFS underground kept me occupied for some 3 hours a day... I loved NFS and NFS underground cos I won the games genuinely!! :) Okay now, don't think how I win Warcraft... Only my junior Ambarish knows about it!!!

The lil left out time in the day goes for my after noon naps, the soothing evening walks and my morning tuitions! Every night, I go to my study schedule and shamelessly look at what all I have been accumulating, undone. But I think it is just natural to be a lil casual in the first "few" days.

"The Quality of English is twice blest!
It blesseth him that takes him that gives!!"

If you are thinking where these lines came in suddenly, it is my appreciation for the ambiguous words in English like few, around, about... And the lines?! A rip off from "Quality of Mercy" by Shakespeare !! :)

There are certain specific things I'd like to say... Deeper ones.. More thoughtful moments... Very insightful incidents... Catch you soon with them! This is just the prelude!!!

Love...
Sri!!

Money Laundering in India??!

2008-12-09T21:08:00.009+05:30

All day long I have been closely following a discussion in my school group... It is about a report that is supposedly issued by the Swiss Bank about the nationality of its account holders. I will place the major parts of the report as claimed by a user... And then my response to it.... Might be right... Might not be... But I wanted to speak and hear from ppl....

Who Says India is a poor Country?

This is so shocking…….wish black money deposits was an Olympics event….India would have won a gold medal hands down. The second best Russia has 4 times lesser deposit. US is not even there in the counting in top five !! India has more money in swiss banks than all the other countries combined.DISHONEST INDUSTRIALISTS, scandalous politicians and corrupt IAS, IRS, IPS officers have deposited in foreign banks in their illegal personal accounts a sum of about $ 1500 billion, which have been misappropriated by them.

Black money in Swiss banks — Swiss Banking Association report, 2006 details bank deposits in the territory of Switzerland by nationals of following countries:

Top five

India—- $1,456 billion

Russia —$ 470 billion

UK ——-$390 billion

Ukraine - $100 billion

China —–$ 96 billion

Naturally, the secrecy associated with the bank accounts in such places is central to the issue, not their low tax rates as the term 'tax havens' suggests. Remember Bofors and how India could not trace the ultimate beneficiary of those transactions because of the secrecy associated with.

My response to it was this:
Authenticity.. That's a concern when it comes to such numbers... Well, I was shocked reading this post because we, as a country are decently advancing in AML (anti-money laundering) when compared to other countries across the globe (though we aren't the best). I tried running down to the source, the basics of negative entropy!! This is the link to the Swiss Banking Association report 2006 that has reeled out the story... http://www.swissbanking.org/en/d_jb_06-07.pdf. The mention of India is there only in two places in the entire report and here is the text...

It runs, "For some years now the Asian markets have been a key pillar of the international expansion plans of certain Swiss banks. With this in mind it is only logical for the SBA to promote its agenda in these countries as well – specifically China(including Hong Kong) and Singapore. As a result the SBA is helping Swiss banks to enter these markets by lobbying for better framework conditions. At the same time we are making a huge effort to establish a network of contacts in this growth region. In order to achieve these goals we have increased the frequency of our visits to the area and have also welcomed delegations from China to Switzerland. A delegation is provisionally scheduled to make a first visit to India early in 2008 with the aim, amongst other things, of explaining the conditions governing the Swiss banking system."
Does that say something of the laundered money and stuff?!

I know you can still say, "There might be some other report... Possible!" But even without perusing the relevant report, I am not convinced of certain facts put in here.... Let me tell you why.

As I have already mentioned, our AML systems are strong enough to tap such abnormal fund transfers... Well, the systems work only when there is a transfer from an Indian bank to any other bank across the world. What if the money was hand delivered? Smuggled out of India? - Fair enough, I don't hold any more defence.

If ever there was such report, do you think that our media wouldn't have even looked into it? I know they aren't so bothered of the national interest... But TRPs?? They can't do the blunder of missing to have two chat shows with ppl not even linked to finance come and talk about it! My guesses of the celebrities would be Katrina Kaif and John Abraham...

Well, into more serious reasons, the report (as claimed by the author) says the money is deposited by Indian nationals. Does that explicitly avoid Indians working in Europe or elsewhere? My view is that this money need not have essentially gone from India. The categorization has been based on the nation of origin of the account holder. Now, I am not totally defending our law executors and creators. There surely is a huge contribution from them to the whatever trillion was mentioned. But not all is from them... is my take on it.

And now the global view... As rightly mentioned, many European countries are tax havens. They attract foreign funds with unbelievable returns and tax concessions and use them for the development of their countries. Now thats not a fact known just to India.. the whole world knows it. So every damn rich unethical being would want to burrow his resources in there. But how?! "These cops watch every single move of mine!!" That's what they would be saying for their AML systems are very strong. Many countries have free funds flow treaties with India (Thanks to Ma'am Indira who initiated this with good intents!) and India has been liberalising its foreign policy over the past two decades. That makes funds flow to India a lot more easier to the unethical being I told you earlier. And there is some easy Indian prey to transfer the funds to the Swiss bank on his own account! And that feeds the data we read about.

Whatever be it... AML is growing.. So is ML equivalently. Let's not just look at this and enjoy the "24 hour ground zero coverage" of NDTV or Times Now or..... and pity for the results ML is causing to our country. Didn't that strike you?! Who funds terrorists?! Might be one money launderer in India who unknowingly feeds the global terror! You never know how your funds are used after you have deposited in the banks... Keep thinking... Keep staying awake!!!

Regards,
Sri!!

PS: N yeah, I wanted to hear from ppl... Please opine!!

Better late than never!!

2008-09-14T09:31:00.028+05:30

There are certain things we would be longing to do but never get the right time and opportunity... This post is one such piece... I have been wanting to write this for over the past four months(When I'd initially typed this, I had worded it "weeks")... But that's fine.. I am at least writing it today... Better late than never!! (Now you know where the title came from..! But the meaning isn't this shallow after all....)

Before you move on, a small foreword... My apologies to VAP for the undue delay in posting this piece... My excuses to the readers for the liberal use of Tamil, I thought it was necessary to give the needed impact. There are some layout problems cos of the pics... I shall sort them out as much as I can... Please bear with the "sometimes annoying" technical hiccups! (I know that sounds like some ode or obituary than a foreword!!)And a mild difference from my earlier posts,... This one is more narrative and light. Never miss the last three paras of it! Just to pep you up... That's enough of having the tea! Now drink it!!!

How is it to be in an interesting place after months and months of slogging in our routines? How lovely it is to amidst the lush green after at least a couple of hours every day in the cramming traffic? Further, how awesome it is to lose mobile connectivity and avoid calls like, "Hi! Sorry to be disturbing you over the weekend, could you please mail me the report by EOD? (Corporate terms are usually coined beautifully to place stress on you in the most concealed fashion!)"! How thrilling it is to spot the animals you usually see on Discovery Channel just in your vicinity? And thats not all!! "Buddies" - If they were a part of such an experience???

Enough of speaking... Just have a look at a few lovely pics we clicked...

That's the pleasant boat ride for an hour - The guide very frequently said something like... "Adho Paathingala.... Yaanaigallaam thanni kudikka vandhurukkunga!" And we used to look at the distant place like LKG kids on a field trip! I have to accept I have never been on a boat for so long... The scenery... The sound as the bamboo rafts on water... The occasional croc or water bird... And the uncalled for halt in the midst of the jungle....!!

If just the seemingly endless lake, the water bird, the crocs or the distant elephants had thrilled us enough, then probably we haven't done justice to the fauna of Top slip! The uniqueness of this place struck when we spotted a leopard just while cursorily traversing up the mountains! (Unfortunately, we couldn't click a pic of it... It is surely pretty more quicker than we are!!And yeah, such things don't create a great impact if just talked about... So... "Dhayavu senji nambunga boss!! )

Did that say enough of the richness of the place? That, I should say was the farthest view we got of the deers!! They would just run across our vehicle more often than a stray dog running across yours in Chennai!!

Never been closer to an elephant without a mahout...

People who heard we had spotted a leopard told the stars were smiling broad at us... Well then! Make the best use of it!! We, almost instantaneously, planned to stay in Top slip overnight and in consistent practice of its trend, the TN forest department turned us down saying no cottages were available... And this is how we were forwarded to the next adventure of the trip...

The Parambikulam Sanctuary of the Mallu frontiers!

The forest guards were all set to frighten us, I guess...! We walked into their range office and enquired about accommodation there. Two options... A tree top accommodation with the least view of the forest and the other - "Thellikkal vayal"... A walk of 8 kms inside the forest ! (The latter sounds captivating, right? So was it for us as well!) Just that info was enough for almost all of us to panic!!!

"Mach... Ivlo dhooram vandhu ivlo risk edukkanumaa?!" "Ippo illaatti epovamae poga mudiyaadhu da... Overa scene podaatha!" "Mach.. yosichikko! Namakkellaam innum kalyaanam kooda aavala!!" "Illa da... andha tree top la irundhu onnumae theriyaadhu da..." Quite a lot of such exchanges and finally....

"Nimirndhu Nil... Thunindhu sel... Thodanguthu un yugam...!" (eppidiyellaam link panna vaendiyaadha irukku?!! )

Instructions on payment of the accommodation charges!
1. Sir... Thanni, Paakku ellaam eduthu poga koodaatha
Right vidu!

2. Ungaloda oru guide varuvaaru... Avar solrathuthaan kaekanum!

"Sol paechu kaelaamai" enga agaraathiliyae illange aapicer!!"

3. Anga current laam irukkaathu sir! Iruttukkulla thaan irukkanum...
"Enna koduma saravanan idhu!! Namma idhellaam yosikkilayo?!"

4. Apram... unga bag ellaam car laye potrunga... Yaana koottamlaam andha pakkam naraya varum... Thorathichu naa odanumla!!

"Idhu vaeraya? Thiruttu payapulla... Idhellaam panam vaangarathukku munnaadi solla maattiya da?!"

Guess what was the biggest concern running in all our minds?! The animals? The darkness? The 8km walk? The risk of life?? No... Let me tell you, "How is Keelu gonna manage without a bath for one more night?! Yeah.. he can manage... Poor we!!!" Lots of cribbing.. Lots of concerns... Lots of sentimental dialogues... Nadakkaathu ree!! "We have decided and we are going!", I said...

Special thanks to Pikachu for accidentally nodding his head...!

That's the "Bravo team" that ventured the forests... "Romba hype kudukkaraanae.. Thaangala da saami!" If you are actually saying that to yourself, I wish you see the video clips we shot on our way into the lush green. Viv will help you out with the links in my comments page

And shocks began as soon as we stepped into the deep forests... The tiger's paw, the wild dogs, the bisons, the forest showers... Ow! What an experience! More detailing would make this a documentary and not a blog!!! So let me stop here with the details...

http://picasaweb.google.com/akil87/TopSlipValparai

Why did I have to put up all this to public display? Did I intend to show you the beautiful pics we clicked? Or to narrate our interesting experiences? Or to fulfill my buddies' wish of having it recorded somewhere in my style? Or.... A hundred other questions... And I would probably give a mild nod for all of them. But what drove me first to write up all this was to express the need for adventure, risk and thrill in life...

We are a metro politan crowd caught in the whims of boring routines... Office, Tuition classes, traffic, fast food, Up at 7 and to bed at 9 kind of people... I wish these systems didn't exist. But they do and we are to live in them.. It is deliberate permanent slavery to our own systems, if I could express my crude opinions on it. Most times, we don't reach the heart... Neither ours nor those of the people around us! All the love that once existed in us as a kid is now lost... We see the heart as a mere organ!! Sounds pathetic, but undeniably true!!!

Such little ventures into the only things we aren't able to bind by our cranky rules, beautifully called NATURE are our attempts to refill ourselves with our goodness, natural energy and more importantly, love - the very essence of life and living. Let's not hold us back from doing such things. Forget the finance it may consume, the time it may eat up, the revenue your business may lose... They are trivial if not nothing in comparison with the gains!!

Better late than never!!!

Love...

Sri!!!

July 13 - Call it a day!!

2008-07-13T17:41:00.001+05:30

Hey guys!!

I've bugged you guys enough with my poems... It is time to actually speak fathomable language..! ! Before I go on speaking, there are a few essential details I need to tell you for the content to make sense to you.. first among them, my buddies - Vivek, Akilesh and Prakash - We call ourselves SVAP!! (it is super funny to have such crazy names for your groups!! I remember seeing really hilarious ones on our local trains like.. Ghilli guys, Urapakkam kings..! One reason why Indian railways can never improve!! We could probably coin a term, "Rail blogging"!!)

I was the latest entry into the group and we have been awesome buddies over the past 7 years (if I'm right..).

My relationship with these guys has changed over the years... Various hats I wore when with these guys, sometimes a mentor, sometimes a lovely friend, sometimes a confidant but most times - the world's biggest BUG.. I can bet no one else could bear with me for seven long except these pathetic guys. But I can say with pride that these brats are my best buddies - working for giants in their respective industries - Google, Oracle, Accenture! It so happens everytime we guys meet up, we stay overnight in someone's place... And that's the opening scene on eve of 12th July!!

I have a unique flair for philosophy.. I read a lot on religions.. on God and a few other "non - youth" subjects.. And man, I long for an opportunity to speak on my passion! Ppl get bored if they are disinterested about the topic.. so I save my discussions to myself! But I do get vents once in a while.. Like this blessed night.. I don't remember where the discussion started but it branched into spirituality... Wow! And more to it, it wasn't just a discussion.. it was a very healthy debate... the topic on the cards - "Spirituality - Religion - God men and God"!

The "science driven" Pikachu (Prakash) took the opposive role.. Keelu (Akil) was the self appointed moderator for a while and later merged into the defensive with me... (Probably feeling that I was not taking the discussion in the right ways?!!) It swerved round and round and questions like "Who is God?", "Isn't science everything?", "Are the epics a myth?", "How did the world evolve?", "Is the big bang real?", "Why temples?", "Why idols?", "Why religions?", "Is there something called soul?", "Is there rebirth?", "Why rebirth?", "Is everything in life pre destined?", Yogis - Godmen - Swami...

I think I'd have missed at least a dozen other things we discussed! Pikachu is science driven but isn't an aethist.. Proabably agnostic?! The best part about the entire discussion was we understood each others' opinions and tried to clarify each others' misconceptions... And can you believe the youngsters of this age sit up and debate on topics like God for 5 hours?! It was probably pre destined! (I bet Pikachu will comment on this!) More importantly, at the end of the discussion, all of us felt happy... We felt we are taking back something worthy to our homes the next day..

And did anyone think ... Where was Viv all this time?! He was blissfully sleeping in Hyderabad... (Pre destined again?!)

"Ippo enna solla vara da nee?" Ya... The point to be driven is not that Charan, Akil and Prakash discussed some sense (or no sense? That's your opinion) without sleeping a whole night.. there is so much friends and such informal networks can do... So much of good work that can be offered to the society.. So many positive conversations that can ignite our minds.. But we miss it all..

Our most important discussion in those lil moments we catch up: "Macha, Dasavatharam paathiya?!", "Mama, iPhone therikkithu da", "Railway station la andha figuru..." and quite a lot more trendy ones... Not wrong at all man! Who told you not to speak these? And who is Charan to ask you not to speak these? But in these leisure moments, if we don't discuss our doubts, positive thoughts, we'd probably lose such opportunities in future..

We'd probably live with doubts all life...
we'd probably never understand what our opponent says...
We'd probably never learn listening before stressing our opinions..
We'd probably never actually know if our opinions are correct.

And it is so much fun to learn with/from your best buddies than to be screwed royally by a doomy stranger in times there is no more gap for additional screws!

I don't know if I have done justice for the precious 5 mins you have spent on reading this blog... So spend one more min for commenting if I have!!

Have fun guys!
Love...
Sri!!

Need a smoke?!

2008-05-26T23:36:00.001+05:30

I need to surely tell you guys about the story behind this piece...! A very close buddy of mine... The most awesome character I have ever seen, pathetically took upon smoking as a hobby... that later became an inevitable habit... My sincere attempt to tell him what I felt personified thus in my birthday wish to him...

"WILLS... Made for each other"
"Wills... Made for each other"
And that's what goes all into the air...
Engrosses from within You and your being...
Nicotine deposits on those that hold...
A careless effort from hand to the lips...
Clarity in thought they believe it yields...
"Addict" they call - The unstoppable!!

"Will a dream... Made for yourself"
And that's what makes you... Your destiny...
Devour it in all that's you, You and your being...
Fearless looks, truth incarnate, he who pursues right...
A never ending commitment from REEL to REAL...
Purity in character I believe it proffers...
"ADEPT" I beckon - The unstoppable!!

Too much a similie, isn't it?!More of sense than that...
True... Life is all made,
Inevitable you - worthy of the blessing,
By Mind, by Spirit, by Character...
For joy never comes the farther you are by the trio...
True... GOD LOVES YOU...Inevitable you love yourself
What purpose of light,For thy is blind...?!

This day... very usual, ain't it?!For sun say not..
"Here's another! Happy birthday!"
To all his blooms.. for light is his very nature...
I still shall wish, a fair attempt....
To let you live in the glamour of specialities!!

Dated 11 April 2008

PS: I wish you read the corresponding lines of the first and second stanzas in pairs to actually enjoy the coherence attempted.

What true love is!

2008-05-16T15:44:00.001+05:30

Out of his bed, he started weeping
And ne'r ceased until she looked...
Her looks cared,
At first sight, smiles wake!

And in her eyes - joy yelled!
He spoke not - yet she comprehended!
She loved embracing - his face -
Blushing at every kiss!
She placed him on her laps,
He restrain'd not seeing her...

The purest form - I,
the world ever adules - she
The mother... takes nothing and
dithers not to give everything....
What true love is!!

Dated: 12 July 2004

All it gives and all it takes....

2008-05-16T15:14:00.001+05:30

If my college pals still remember, I wrote this poem for a lil contest announced by John Immanuel, our English teacher (that was his designation.. That doesn't mean he knew English actually.. Probably he missed seeing " CAUGHT IN THE WRONG JOB?!" ad on TV. ) Anyways, back to the point, the contest ultimately became a super comedy... The most hilarious poems without a subject were chosen as the best. However, this one is ever close to my heart... So many similies... indirect meanings... I thought I should open it up for your reading.

"I...? Falling in love? - Impossible" he uttered
Fate giggled in reply, " Every plant flowers,
Every bud does bloom!"

A new dawn, the red rose's bud
Smiled up in his garden.
His sight - a girl - Her beauty
Splendid, looks stunning,
Her words - soothing and knowledge - inviting!
Warmth, passion and what not?
Thought spun round her
His heart spoke of none else!!

His qualities - not too less,
She resisted not... The flower did bloom!
"Life without her" - He dared not to imagine!!
He adules, "WHAT ALL LOVE GIVES!"

The flower does fade and wither too,
Dusk came, she said, "I'm wedded",
And in her finger, glittered his sorrow.
Then came the words,
"WHAT ALL LOVE TAKES"....

Right did Scott say,
" Love swells like a Solway,
And ebbs like its tide."

Dated: 11 July 2004

College life......

2008-05-14T10:53:00.001+05:30

CHOOSING COLLEGE means.....

Choosing all time TV...

Choosing to live on cheap alcohol (Guys only.... I guess!!) and
instant meals...

Choosing to sniff clothes (washed years ago) to see if they are
wearable...

Choosing to stay up all the night writing the assignment you should
have been working on for the past three months or even more...

Choosing to be out everytime the landlord calls round for rent
(applicable only to outstation guys though)...

Choosing to blow your money on nights out after telling really
convincing lies at home...

Choosing to fall asleep in between lectures...

Choosing to munch left overs for breakfast and dinner at home (for you have siblings who manage to devour everything when you aren't around.. Don't have one?! I envy you...!)...

Choosing never to take bath before evening...

Choosing to do all those things your parents warned you about...

Choosing to pathetically attend twelve hour cramming sessions at
college...

Choosing to befriend the class NERD for all the notes...

Choosing to start weekends two days early...

Choosing long holidays and flexible deadlines for the LAST time in
your lives...

Choosing to try studying for four years and then actually learn
slogging at work...

Choosing not to sit next to the dumbest person or in the first bench
during lectures...

Chosing to get high and talk absolute bullshit....

Choosing to increase your alcohol tolerance level...

Choosing the BEST TIME IN YOUR LIVES......!!!!